there...and back again.

Okay...this isn't the most original title, but it seemed fitting to parallel my trip to Taiwan with Bilbo's adventures in The Hobbit. He was rushed out the door in a flurry of activity. Maybe he had fears or doubts about where he was going and what he would be doing, but he stepped out his front door anyway...out of his comfort zone and into the adventure prepared in advance for him.

And when he returned, he was no longer the same.

This is me. I will never, ever be the same because of my adventures in Taiwan. There was no lightning bolt or audible voice of God, but the more I mull over my [nearly] 4 weeks spent in that country, the more I realize that it changed me. Slowly...but surely. God spoke to me. Prayers were answered [daily]. My spirit was refreshed, though my body was exhausted. I experienced the world in a different way.

Ten days into the trip, a group of us were selected to minister to the youth. And the opportunity arose for us to share our testimonies. I didn't offer. The arguments in my head were that first, I didn't have a testimony. Nothing life changing or radical. Secondly, other people would probably be more qualified, which tied in with my first argument. Other people would have something of significance to share. I also just had an attitude about the whole thing. The thought of speaking in front of a bunch of strangers made me sick to my stomach. And it wasn't just butterflies. I just did not want to talk to them.

The day of the youth meeting rolled around and Bethany approached me. She asked if I would be willing to take her testimony spot because she was super busy and didn't have enough time to prepare something. My flesh rose up again and that attitude came clawing to the surface. I just looked at her and mumbled something about trying to "figure something out."  All the while, I resented it. But I couldn't understand why I was so reluctant. As I was praying about it, the sweet, gentle voice of the Holy Spirit spoke to me...

"Remember Isaiah 61? I gave you that passage on purpose. I rest on you for this reason...to bring good news to the afflicted. Why are you acting like this? I've called you to this and now you have an attitude about it. I'm calling you to stand. Trust that I will give you the words to speak."

If those words had been any more clear, I would have seen angels and heard the thunder of heaven.

I was slack jawed for a second [or two], before tears came to my eyes and I told Him I was very sorry. I would obey, I told Him. Then I got to writing. And did Holy Spirit show up and give me the words?? Did He ever! I am eternally grateful for the way He spoke to me and gave me the perfect words to say. Perfect not because I wrote them, but because He wrote them... And the most amazing-God-part was when the time came for me to actually share. I usually get shaky hands and a quivering voice and a dry mouth and monster butterflies attacking my stomach... but no. God had such beautiful mercy. The only thing I felt that afternoon was intense excitement and joy, and radical peace. My nervous reactions never appeared. Not for a single second. And the funny thing was, I kept expecting it and waiting for my crazy nerves to show up...but no. Nothing. Not a single butterfly or shaky moment.

Jesus is so gracious.

As grateful as I am to be back in the states and back at work, I do miss Taiwan. A lot. I wasn't expecting that... But I really do miss it. And I miss the friends that I made there who are so far away now. They made an impact on my heart and soul. Not a day goes by when I don't think about them or pray for them. I'm sure God will bring me back there someday...

When I remember all the the little twists and turns that took me to Taiwan, I see God's hand. It makes me curious about the bigger picture and what else He has planned. Even if the only reason I went was to invest in one person's life, it will have been worth it. It amazes me, actually. God cares so much about each and every person that He's willing to send someone thousands of miles around the world and across several time zones, just to speak His truth and show His love to them.

How crazy awesome is that??
I love all of you so much. [yes, that includes you, my Taiwan friends!] ;)
jaybee

"So patient, so gracious. So merciful and so true. So wonderful in all You do. You fill me. You see me. You know my every move. And You love for me to sing to You. Lord, I know that You are for me. I know that You are for me. I know that You will never forsake me in my weaknesses... I know that You have come down, even if to write upon my heart....to remind me, Who You are..." -Kari Jobe, You Are For Me